Simon & Garfunkel Thanksgiving Stuffing
Ingredients
- 2 loaves Positively Third Street Bakery Wild Rice Bread
- 1 loaf Positively Third Street Bakery Gold-n-White Bread
- 2-3 large yellow or white onions
- 1 stalk celery
- 30 fresh sage leaves
- 10 sprigs fresh thyme
- 2 bunches fresh italian flat-leaf parsley
- 3 sticks unsalted butter
- 1 qt turkey stock
- 1-2 C cooked wild rice (optional)
- 2 jumbo eggs , beaten
- sea salt and black better , to taste
Instructions
- Go to co-op; pick up turkey from local grower’s truck in parking lot. Estimate turkey’s size as approxi- mately that of a 3-year-old child. Wonder how you are going to get it home. Realize that the front seat of your small Toyota is the only option. Enter co-op and buy all the stuff you need, minus one item which you will have to go back for later. Run into 65 or 70 people you haven’t seen in a while. End each conversation by claim- ing that you have a turkey the size of a 3-year-old child in the front seat of your car and can’t stay another minute. Check out. Think to yourself, hey, it sure is busy in here. Don’t thesepeople know it’s two days before Thanksgiving? What were they thinking? Oh wait. Never mind.Schlep groceries to car and put in trunk. Fasten passen- ger safety belt securely around turkey.
- At home, unpack groceries. Dry bread slices overnight on oven racks or other area inaccessible to pets. Thank your lucky stars you live in a climate where unheated back porch = walk-in cooler, because there’s no way you’re going to fit that bird in the refrigerator. Prepare turkey as desired — brine, dry rub, lay on a bed of amethyst crystals, sing turkey songs you learned in kinder- garten — or simply do nothing but keep it cold, because as your local turkey grower will tell you, it’s perfect just the way it is.
- Wednesday. W onder why your house smells like rosemary. Open oven; see dried bread on racks and remember. Rip dried bread into diverse shapes 1 – 2" in length. Put in large container. No, not a mixing bowl, it’s not big enough. Go for the 16-quart stockpot, the canning kettle, or even a well- scrubbed and sanitized plastic storage tote. Chop onion and celery ribs coarsely; process in food processor until finely chopped. Set aside. Strip thyme and parsley leaves from stems; put in food processor with sage leaves and pulse 2 – 3 times or until finely chopped.
- Put herb mixture and celery-onion mixture in separate containers and refrigerate. Do the same with celery leaves, onion ends, thyme branches and parsley stems (use them as aro- matics in the turkey cavity tomorrow). Wash food processor so you can use it for pie crust. Sweep up bread, veg- etable and herb crumbs. Give yourself a pat on the back for getting all the messy stuffing prep work out of the way so all you have to do tomorrow is assemble it. Resolve to find more ways to be organized and relaxed on major holidays. Realize that your self- improvement plans will probably go to hell like they always do, but at least you don’t have celery strings on your kitchen floor; be present in the moment.
- Thursday. Remove spare parts from turkey cavity; place in saucepan, cover with 1 quart water, and simmer. Allow turkey to temper; insert aromatics (an apple is a nice addition) and begin roasting. Observe that, even with your turkey on the lowest available oven rack, you cannot fit another rack in the upper-most slot and that is where you were going to bake the stuffing. Panic. Go about your Thanksgiving preparations. Listen to Lynn Rosetto Kasper’s Thanksgiving Day hotline on MPR. Shake head in pity for the hapless individuals whose still-frozen raised-God-knows-how turkeys will be served alongside stuffing from a box. A BOX.
- Peek in oven; observe that turkey has shrunk a bit, as it is supposed to do. Since it is now the size of a mere 2-1/2 year old child, the top rack fits in the oven. Cease panicking. As turkey roasts, siphon out some juice here and there and add it to the simmering stock.
- An hour before turkey is done, melt 1 stick butter in heavy saucepot until it foams; add onion-celery mixture, sauté 5 minutes and remove from heat. Remove spare parts from turkey stock and measure liq- uid to 1 quart. Add remaining 2 sticks butter and melt gently into stock; liquid should be warm but not boiling. Butter a large roasting pan, or whatever will hold your stuffing and is oven-safe. A 13" x 9" cake pan does not qualify as a “ large roasting pan” and will be woe- f ully inadequate for this task. Wait. Did I say “stuffing”? Technically I meant “dressing.” You can stuff the bird with it if you want to, but cooking it out- side the turkey has many advantages. It has more structural integrity, you can make part of it ovo-lacto-vegetarian by substituting vegetable stock, your bird cooking time will be faster, you won’t worry about getting a food-borne illness from undercooked stuffing, and its assem- bly is not turkey-dependent.
- Get out the giant container of bread pieces and other stuffing components. Think to self, parsley ... sage ...rosemary ... thyme ...heh heh, I get it. Pour melted butter and stock over bread. Add celery, onions, herbs, wild rice, eggs, salt and pepper. Mix thoroughly using both hands. Turn into pan(s), cover, and slide onto the top oven rack.
- Assuming an oven temperature of 350 degrees, bake 30 minutes, remove cover(s) and bake another 30 minutes or until top is slightly browned. If possible, coordinate cooking times so that stuffing’s midpoint is also the turkey’s endpoint. Transfer stuffing to a more conventional oven location, such as the coveted center rack, if desired. During last 30 minutes, finish baking stuffing, allow turkey to tem- per for carving, boil and mash pota- toes to perfection, carve turkey and arrange on platter, put all side dishes in the good serving bowls, and call everyone to the table with a little silver bell.
- Note: this will never happen. Your calculations will be completely off. But unlike the toddler-sized turkey and the fussy potatoes, this stuffing is flexible and forgiving. Keep it warm in the oven, and dish it up when you’re good and ready; it’ll be fine.